I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
