They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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