the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.đź’¨
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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