When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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