Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
