I think i peed on brittanys purse
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
