Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
