mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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