great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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