he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
