I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize