my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
