That's when you crack a 10am beer
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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