end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
