Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
