Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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