awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
