My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
