We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
