worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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