y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
