she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
