I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
