so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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