Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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