I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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