Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
