Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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