you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
