Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
