i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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