Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
