She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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