My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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