never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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