I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
