My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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