using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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