I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
