Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
