wrigley field is MILF paradise
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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