Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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