I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
