don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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