...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
