I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
