My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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