I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
