There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
