Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
