Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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