I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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