When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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