I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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