If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I smell stomach acid.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
