we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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