i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
