That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
