He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
