the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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