Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
