No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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